To Mama. For February 19th 2003
Adaptation of Victor Hugo's Poem: 'A Villequier'.
Now that Africa, its warmth, its laughs and its cries,
Its wildlife and its scents are very far from my eyes.
Now that I am here in Bellevue,
Ready to pass our years in review.
Now that I have known the darkness of sorrow,
Yet can still face and hope for a better tomorrow.
Now that I can finally feel the peace of nature
Infiltrate this soul you best knew how to nurture.
Now that I can again sit in my praying corner,
To resume meditations in the same old manner;
Now that deep within me I recognize the love
That you bring to me on the wings of a dove.
Now that I can in the mist, in the sun or the shade,
See the stone under which you lie but do not fade.
Now that I know that our love can never die,
No matter how long under that stone you lie.
Now, that my heart has been molded by the Divine will,
And that all around me again appears to be tranquil,
I consider the miracles that surround me and that I am,
And I surrender to all you have created and to You 'I AM'!
I once again come to You, Father, in whom we must believe,
I bring those broken pieces of my heart, for You to relieve.
While in sheer wonder my voice can still sing to Your glory
The notes within the chords of my twisted heart cry - Sorry!
I once again come to You Father, ready to confess
That You are kind, loving, and worthy of this address.
I concede that You alone know best what You do;
That man is like a blade of grass in the morning dew.
I am now able to state that the tomb
Even as it closes upon the dead
Opens up for us in heaven a womb
Of infinite love and not dread!
I recognize that what we here on earth call the end,
Is the door to heaven where God leads us by His hand.
I agree that only You, Father can rule and possess it all,
You had every right to break my heart to heed Your call.
Lord, now, I passively submit to Your will,
No longer does it matter, who or how You kill.
From birth to death to birth, man rolls towards eternity
In the form of an endless chain symbolizing our unity.
One with all the departed who's DNA converge
To make me the very unique person I am today
On earth to offer prayers that in heaven diverge
Towards loved ones made invisible by the Way.
On earth we only see one side of the story,
The other belongs to Your world of mystery.
Day by day we live not knowing the exact reason.
All we perceive can be an illusion or pure delusion.
From event to event we find ourselves wandering,
Lord, You do not want us to ever cease wondering!
Nothing here on earth is for certain,
Except that pleasure also breeds pain.
As soon as we call something ours,
You take it away from us within hours.
What today we see as our love, our home, and our farm,
Tomorrow is all gone when You lift us away in Your palm.
We must quickly see all we see,
Here, so, it has to be.
For the story is often old,
Before it can even be told.
The world can be a bright or somber place
Where songs with tears keep up the pace.
In Your cosmos, man, be he good or bad is just another atom.
The abyss swallows the bad; the good in heaven is at home.
I know that up there You juggle with many a ball,
I assumed that You cannot possibly consider us all;
That a wife who dies leaving her family in despair
May naturally be for You just another worldly affair.
I know that in the wind the fruit falls to the ground,
The scent of the flower does not linger much around,
The bird loses its feather while it flies and as we hear it sing;
To go on living, like a roller, You, creator also crush everything.
The days, the months, the tides, the eyes that cry,
All are but one under Your forever changing sky;
The grass has to grow, a wife, a mother and grandmother has to die
Lord I know because there under the sky and the stone I see her lie!
Way up there way, way beyond sight
May be You do things using our plight
As an essential ingredient to Your might.
May be this is how You create day and night.
I no longer attempt to fathom destiny,
Why some have to leave their progeny
While others are allowed to stay
And live yet another lonely day.
Your laws of creation are so vast,
It is no wonder I feel like an outcast.
But your overall plan is unfolding as You would
For even You, Jesus accepted to go on the wood!
I beg You Lord to look at my soul drenched in humility
And to consider how I still come to adore Your dignity.
Since my tears were unable to wash away Your majesty
Beyond the stone, in the sky I see Your image, her beauty.
Further please consider that each day from dawn,
I had prayed to You and worked as Your pawn.
Then together with Mama we shared our faith, Your love.
Together we shared You around, You, our treasure trove.
We believed that we had done Your task down here
How could we expect to be torn apart? Can You hear?
Why is Mama no longer here, no longer near?
Is it because only to You, she had to be dear?
At the time I could not believe that on my heavy head
You, too Lord would lay Your hand feeling like lead.
You Lord who knows I have such little joy
How could You partake in that cruel ploy?
Do You understand Lord why at times I could blaspheme?
Do You understand Lord why anger could be a new theme?
Now I feel Lord that the tantrums I threw for You to see
Is like a child throwing stones hoping he can fill the sea.
Consider please Lord that we are entitled to doubt when we suffer;
That our agenda, our opinions, our methods and our hopes do differ.
That eyes that cry far too long do go blind
Fast Lord, when You do not seem to mind.
How could You expect me Lord when I was sinking in the world
To be peacefully reading, absorbing and fully living Your Word?
How could I possibly contemplate with serenity
The stars that lead humanity to Your eternity?
Today, I who was as weak as a mother after giving birth
I prostrate myself in front of You down here on earth,
I no longer towards You feel bitter
But instead, grateful I had to suffer.
Thank You Lord for removing the harness,
Thank You Lord through the very darkness
To have enabled me to see with more clarity
The brightness of Your Godly luminosity!
Lord, when alone I am not up to the task,
There is only one thing now, I, of You ask
Let me continue to shed a quiet loving tear
Over Mama, who is to us both so very dear.
I know You will let the tears fall,
For they form part of Your call.
However, at the cemetery as I lean over the cold stone
Let me ask Mama why she cannot be flesh and bone?
Let me ask Mama if through it all she can see me?
For no one here listens when I call open sesame.
Mama you know that when night comes I am with you in the dark.
Then, I must know that on our soul God has left His loving mark.
So it is no longer about who or what lies below
But how in the dark, by His light, we can glow.
It is about how we know that through the clear blue sky
We can see each other glow as we can to each other fly.
From above or below as we review the past,
Lord from love do not ever again let me fast.
Rather let all the divine triune moments last;
Let the first souvenir be as bright as the last.
Louis Leclezio.
© February 2003. All rights reserved.